Monday, July 20, 2009
I am in serious doubts if I give continuation to the story.
The problem being is that because of the fact that I was personally blessed by a very senior Rabbi on Mount Zion itself in front of King Davids tomb, and spent the highest Jewish hollidays praying with these guys, when the shit hit the fan I had a bit of a loss of faith and went back to doing some very bad habits, specially when I went to Brazil to look after my mum.
I did not do anything to her if it's that what your dirty minds are thinking, but because my marriage was stale and I needed to talk to someone, wrong things happened.
Because of this, momentarily I'll give a pause for reflections:
One of the worst things that happen in a personal crisis is rejection.
This was true for me even before I got into the computer graphics business. Guys go through an enormous amount of rejection throughout their lives, the more genuine you are and the less crap you are prepared to accept the more rejection you get.
In my case I took the decision of getting into my very competitive profession at the age of 30 and then the one of trying trying to re initiate my career in the UK at the age of 36, it is obvious that I was asking for trouble, but until I went to Israel things were going unbelievably in an upwad trend.
I once read a (unorthodox) commentary about the existence of the giants in the Bible. It said that the story of the giants and their dissapearance talks about the impossibility of spiritual growth, or the growth of personal dreams in the "real world". When one grows too big there is an impossibility of relating yourself to what is around you. The air on top becomes too thin and it is unsustainable to maintain a righteous and coherent situation for too long, there is not enough purity around to permit that kind of existence
This kind of growth is a vertical one. The horizontal kind translates into relating oneself to the world's imperfections and to mix with it in order to survive. If one spreads oneself too wide here we never really leave the ground and can easily get lost.
According to the Bible the giants were self sufficient creatures, they did not produce children and were supposed to live forever and acheive the goals G-d had set them in their long and lonely saga.
In our world we should be able to grow together and reach things together. This as we all know never happens so we are caught in between the impossibilities of growing horizontaly or verticaly, which is very sad if one comes to think of it.
This is probably why rejection is so hard, one should really be able to count on helping hands, we should be growing together. Rejection sometimes feels like the certainty that there really is nothing out there.
The Jewish sages teach that behind all the rejections and acceptances there is the invisible Hand.
If one sees the examples of president Obama, a black guy who made it to the top, and the brazilian president, Lula, an uneducated factory worker who lost his finger in a job related accident and who is now doing well in his second term, one can think that maybe, just maybe, they are like light houses put into those positions to prove to us that growth is possible if one is determined and that rejections are just tests, or doors that were not supposed to be opened in the first place.